When Are You Too Old to Go to the Club?

Well past your 30th birthday, there’s a moment you have on a Tuesday night (we’re just guessing here): You’re out at a packed bar, tie loosened, sipping on a second cocktail and you’re wondering what time your significant other got home. Then, you look at your watch, take that last gulp, tell your friends “so long,” and hail an Uber.

You return to that scenario maybe once in the next month.

It’s not that we’re getting “less cool” or have kicked our friends to the curb. It’s just that our priorities have shifted away from the night-in-and-night-out need to party.

As Esquire‘s Luke O’Neil and Dave Holmes recently reported, the exact age for when it’s no longer cool to have a swinging nightlife? 37 (Ironically, this RCL writer’s exact age.)

The basis of their claim is a recent U.K. survey saying as much. But the two journalists got into some playful banter about what it’s like being an oldster out on the town, and a few hilarious themes emerged, and RCL responded in parentheses.

Rock Concerts: O’Neil, who recently went to a heavy metal show and wanted to join a heaving mosh pit, had this thought run through his mind: “The floor is so wet with beer, someone’s gonna slip and get hurt!” He also left the show early because of his bad back. (Been there, done that).

You Can’t Find Me in Da Club: “I have felt too old to be in clubs since I was 22 years old,” says Holmes. “Now, when I say ‘clubs,’ I mean dancey places: DJs and lasers and women in bikini tops selling brightly-colored shots in test tubes….I gave that life a good old shake for about one year and then I decided it wasn’t for me. After the club life ended, I hung out with friends in bars.” (Amen.)

Curfew: “At 46, I am too old to be anywhere after dark,” notes Holmes. “My friends and I meet on Saturdays at 4 p.m.” (For the most part, yes.)

Musical Taste: Holmes also admits to having what O’Neil calls “lifelong Dad Rock taste.” In other words, he’s been listening to oldster rock music his entire life, so it’s not that big a change now. (We must be musical soulmates.)

Don’t Be Here Now: “Young or old … there is very little acceptance of being the dude lurking around. Lurking in general is frowned upon,” says Holmes. (Agreed. No lurkers.)