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How to Survive A Shark Attack, Thanks To Syfy’s Shark-Movie Universe

Tips from “Santa Jaws,” “Jersey Shore Shark Attack” and “Ghost Shark” might keep you alive. Or laughing.

There are a lot of shark movies out there. Whether it’s Sharknado or this summer’s The Meg, there has been a steady stream of C-movies about sharks for the better part of a decade. So The Ringer decided to do something useful with all these movies. They put together a shark attack survival guide, based on lessons they learned from the Syfy shark universe.

Don’t be evil or creepy because sharks in Syfy movies can always figure out who the bad guy is, and they kill them.

Don’t do the dirty because obviously Syfy sharks can tell when there are sexual undertones happening in movies and will come and attack you.

Avoid the ocean. This one feels pretty straight-forward, though difficult to follow if you like the waves. But as we learned in 2010’s Sharktopus, even bungee-jumping above the ocean can be deadly.

Avoid space. If you were even considering it, watch this trailer for Sharknado 3 and realize yes, yes you can be attacked by a shark in space.

And finally: Don’t go to the bathroom, drink water, or really, do anything. Just don’t.
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